New Delhi: We’ve all been there, the stage where we fall in love with someone and everything feels perfect. An expert says, it’s totally normal to go through this process but what happens next? How do we mature from this infatuation into something more stable and sustainable? How can we deal with our partner’s flaws once we’ve passed the butterflies in stomach stage?
Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, life and business coach, and founding director of the Gateway of Healing, says there are many reasons people are emotionally unavailable for their partners. Tugnait talks about what one can do about this breakup:
Falling into the trap of the infatuation stage
Falling over heels for someone is not everyone’s favorite cup of tea. Some people enter relationships rather slowly, taking the time to really get to know the other person and allow themselves to slowly deteriorate, while others rush into relationships and focus only on the good things. To some degree, we all wear rose-colored glasses, when we are infatuated with someone; Everything about our new love interest seems perfect, so we conclude that it must be right for us. We may also tend to neglect issues in the relationship as a whole because we are driven by a strong need for completeness which makes it difficult for us to see things objectively. For this reason, people can become disappointed in their partners once they come out of this infatuation stage simply because they expect certain things from them that were never created.
No personal limits
Setting your own boundaries is something many of us struggle with, especially in romantic relationships. It can be intimidating to put a certain distance between you and your partner, and it can be difficult to find the right balance between getting too close and stifling the relationship. However, having solid boundaries will allow you to enjoy this relationship without losing yourself in it.
They have unrealistic expectations
Having realistic expectations about what you get into when you start a serious relationship is very important to the success of the relationship. Many people tend to set themselves up for failure because they create unrealistic expectations; For example, they may expect their partner to always be available and willing to put their relationship first, and leave other things aside.
You have trouble accepting your flaws
The best way for your partner not to feel overwhelmed by your flaws is to simply accept them yourself first. There are many people who refuse to take responsibility for some of the things they do wrong in relationships, yet still feel upset when loved ones point out those flaws which in turn fuel conflict between them. It is also important to be empathetic with your partner and try to understand their point of view so that you can establish a healthy connection.
Stop making the effort
Putting in some kind of effort is what will keep relationships alive. When people stop trying to make things work, it usually means that they have lost interest in the relationship but still want to hold on to it as long as possible; Usually because they are afraid of loneliness or loneliness.
They start to think they deserve no better
Many of us enter into new relationships with the idea that we don’t deserve someone better and thus end up accepting all kinds of unacceptable behavior from our partners. We may be ourselves in this situation! Think about that for a second. When you think you don’t deserve better than that, it means that one day you will stop making an effort to find someone who is truly right for you because deep down the idea of “they are as good as they get” still lingers.
Stop seeing their partner’s flaws
A relationship can only be successful if they both acknowledge each other’s flaws and learn to deal with them accordingly. For example, if your partner has problems with anger management, you should be very careful not to criticize you when they are angry or blush after they have calmed down. However, this can only happen if both partners are willing to talk about their flaws and improve the way they act about them.
They don’t express their feelings
Even when it comes to expressing our feelings, some people tend to take things too far by saying whatever pops into their head without thinking or saying anything and suppressing everything. This usually results in an overload or lack of information, respectively, making it difficult for anyone to keep up with what’s going on. The worst part is that this never allows your partner to fully understand how you are feeling so they can’t calm you down and help you through difficult situations. Expressing yourself is very important as you get to know what’s bothering you and how you can fix it while enabling your partner to understand and reassure you.
They start thinking they don’t deserve to be happy
Again, this goes back to the point we talked about earlier, when you think you don’t deserve the best and therefore end up accepting all kinds of bad behavior from your partner. This also leads to apathy because no matter what happens, your life will always be stuck in the same place where it is difficult for anything new or exciting to happen. This, in turn, makes you feel miserable.
They are trying to control their relationship
This usually happens when people are afraid of losing their loved ones, so they try to do whatever it takes to keep them around for as long as possible. However, trying to control every aspect of the relationship usually results in a lack of communication, emotionally stifling the partner, grumbling, and messing around, and prevents the emergence of any kind of healthy relationship.
Being emotionally unavailable to the point where you stop making friends can be very dangerous because when there is no one to support you, it will be difficult for your partner to do that too. This only makes the situation worse as it becomes more and more difficult for anyone to help you break out of this vicious cycle.
They are simply lazy
Some people are unable to complete tasks or maintain good habits once they stop thinking about what might happen if they fail at something. For example, it is easy to cancel your plans at the last minute many times, but as these habits build up over time, your partner will begin to feel that their presence does not matter much and this usually leads to an emotionally abusive relationship.
They think the grass is greener on the other side
Some people always want more, no matter what. This often results in their relationships deteriorating because they are looking for better things outside even if they already have it all in and around them. Over time, you may develop an attitude of constantly wanting something else or expecting too much from your partner as well, and this may make them feel less in love with you.
They lose themselves along the way
Sometimes, we forget our feelings or desires because we let ourselves get carried away by the daily chores. This usually happens after long-term relationships where partners start to feel like they can’t do anything without their significant other being around all the time to support them and improve everything. In the end, it’s hard to feel like you have your own identity because the other person starts to have so much control over your life.
They feel comfortable with the routine
Some people don’t know how to get out of trouble so they do nothing about it, and this leads to them feeling stuck with their partner on an emotional level as well. This usually happens when one becomes satisfied with the current situation and stops caring about improving things in between. If you let these opportunities for change slip away from you, what will remain is just a relationship that no longer exists or a relationship that has no value anymore.
They become themselves toxic
Sometimes people become emotionally unavailable because of their own issues that stem from past experiences or through exposure to those who have had them for too long. If you surround yourself with destructive people, then sooner or later you will begin to develop a lifestyle based on toxicity that will always be unfavorable to everyone around you.
Be vigilant, take responsibility, and nurture the relationship with your partner by being emotionally available to them and allowing yourself the same. Reaffirm the commitment, surprise your partner and most importantly, be available to them.